It’s funny lol

2:03 – 3:55
Clip

For the video project I would like to do a scene from Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, but I haven’t decided which scene I want to do yet, because there’s so many great (sad) scenes to choose from. I’m trying to go through it again and pick out one that I would be able to play by myself, but I’m having a bit of difficulty. Unfortunately I don’t have any storyboards to work with yet, because of this :\

This is the one I want to do right now:

I really like this one, but it’d be kind of awkward to do alone at the end =\

Googling my mom to find some digital materials I may be able to use in my documentary and to jot my memory of stuff we’ve done.

Focus on Living
….I told my sister? She mentions secrets here…I do feel that our lives have been filled with so many secrets…

Shit Happens and Then You Get Meds
I didn’t know a lot of this…I didn’t really know any of this actually…I’ve just taken things for granted without thinking about anything…

I couldn’t help but think about my sister though at the end when my mom states that she chose a regimen only when she was comfortable with the idea. My sister never had that choice. Maybe that’s why she acted out last year with taking her meds. She never had the chance to way the pros and cons of taking meds, she was just required to do it and not ask questions. This is something I’ll have to think about…

Good Search
With all the searching I DO!!! I’m spreading the word about this…

POZ – Vagina Monologues
Second POZ article my mom’s been in…I’m going to look for the first….
It says here she underwent treatment for breast cancer in 1999 but I don’t remember her telling me about it until I was in middle school.

Congrats to my mom, my sis, and everyone who worked on this documentary for winning the International Film award in London <3

I shared my first font on deviantart using a Creative Commons license

Sam’s Sharpie Marker by ~Chococat101 on deviantART

Reflection:

I had a lot of fun doing this project, even though I didn’t get some of the shots I wanted to. I’m very pleased with how it all turned out and may work on it a bit more later. I was asked what I was thinking about when i went about doing this, to be honest I’m not entirely sure. When I act/perform I really feel like I become the person I’m portraying. In this case I really sort of became the older brother I always wanted/envisioned myself to be for my younger siblings. This brother isn’t necessarily ideal or perfect in anyway. He’s caring, protective, and strong, but like any real brother can be a jerk, or a show-off, or just a general clown too. I guess my point is that I never had an idealistic view of what a big brother should be. I was probably also thinking what I’d be like as a boy and…well…I’m pretty sure I’d be all of those things too, probably a bit more obnoxious than I am in girl form, but maybe a bit more respectful (cus girls can get away with disrespect a lot easier than guys can).
Even though this project was really fun it kind of creeped me out too. I started having questions about my gender that never occurred to me before. I know that I’m heterosexual without any real doubt, and I love being a female–but I think I really do subconsciously want to play the gender role of boy pretty bad. It just seems so appealing to me somehow.

I wish I had a big brother to…

…keep nightmares away.

…make me laugh.

…comfort me.

…chill with me.

…protect me.

Some Notes: Didn’t get to do any of the shoots with guys cus the male “models” I asked were busy with midterm stuff and I’m very particularly about who I chose D: (I don’t feel comfortable working physically with people I don’t know very well or have that level of friendship with–which is part of the reason why I quit acting XD). I would still like to do those pictures though, but it’ll just have to wait for another time.

Awesome stop motion video

My stock photos are up on flickr as well. I had another scenario, but I didn’t really like how the pictures came out so I’m going to have to take it over.

That makes 4 more scenarios to go.

Thanks to Jazmine for taking pics for me

Bro for the Nightmares

Bro for the Breakdowns
(Not sure which one I like better)

This is what I’m thinking for my contemporary photography project.

At first I wanted to do different scenarios where I was the stereotypical father or boy and do stereotypically male things.

Then I wanted to use pictures I have of my father and put them in modern pictures of me as if he were in my life still.

Now, I’m thinking of creating a male persona of myself that sort of hovers around in my daily activities and looks out for me as I wished an older brother or father would. The situations will be real cases where I’ve had to deal with stuff on my own, but I would have gone to a dad or older brother for if I had the option.

In the original idea I wanted to really wanted to convincingly look like a boy, but I think in this project it makes more sense for me to be recognizably myself to illustrate that these are things I’ve had to deal with on my own.

Here are the scenes I’m thinking of:

A Brother For…

The Nightmares
I’m laying in bed obviously upset. My male persona is sitting nearby with a glass of water, touching my head concerned and comforting.

The Jerks
I’ll have to enlist the help of one of my male friends for this one. I’m sitting on the floor crying or upset. My male persona has some frightened guy up against the wall ready to beat him down.

The Break downs
Me sitting frustrated/angry/sad/upset/or whatever with my male persona sitting beside me with an arm around my shoulder, comforting me.

A Second Opinion
Going to need to enlist the help of a male friend again for this one. I’m sitting across from a boy, on some sort of date. Male persona is a few tables down observing. OR I’m introducing a boy to my male persona. (I think i like the second one better)

A Watchful Eye
I’ll need my friends help for this one. I’m chilling with my girls, maybe we’re dancing, or maybe we’re drinking, or something. My male persona is looking off somewhere as if on the look out for anything threatening.

A Friend
Me giving a pound to my male persona.

That’s all the ideas I have right now.