The Emo One by ~Chococat101 on deviantART

I would like to look at the issue of racial identity from the point of view of a multiracial being. While thinking about myself and my identity for the other piece I was going to work on, I realized that I never seemed to fit in one particular category ever in my life. Not in where I lived/grew up, not where I went to school, not with whom my friends were, not even in my own skin. I never fit in anywhere, just parts of me in different places.

I realized my race had a lot to do with it. Being mixed I come off as an anomaly, no one knows how to deal with me or what to call me. I look Hispanic but I don’t speak the language or know the culture, I don’t know much about my Native American roots to even consider myself such, I’m too light to ever be black, and too dark and ethnic to ever be white. I’ve been named races I don’t even “possess” such as Filipino, Italian, and even Greek.
I have taken the psychology classes, I know that race doesn’t really exist, I know it’s a social construction that we humans developed and imposed on ourselves for greedy reasons such as for power, personal gain, property, and wealth. I know all this and yet I’m still forced to conform because when asked “what I am” it is simply just not acceptable to say “human.” If I try and get around it I’m heckled and if I don’t greatly generalize my “race” as “black, white, hispanic,” I’m forced to go into a lengthy explanation of my family’s racial history.
Not that I resent it…in fact I’m proud of my family for being so color blind–for transcending social pressure. I’m proud of being “what” I am…but it doesn’t change the fact that it can be difficult to deal with, especially when you’re young growing up in a place where your race determined everything that you were.

What I am intending to do for this project right now is take a picture and transform it several ways to point out the supposed differences in race. I’m thinking about whiting out the eyes (which in my opinion will eliminate the soul) to present the viewer with only the skin. This afterall, is all we seem to chose to see, right? Is it not the very thing we base our first assumptions of a person on? Why should the soul (the eyes) even be present when we so rarely seem to take that into consideration when first judging a person?

I’m debating right now whether the racial changes should be drastically stereotypical or subtle…
The exaggeration will emphasis the point, making subtle changes will emphasis my personal identity.

Who is Samantha J. Rodriguez?

Series of 6

The Childish One

Playful, childish, bubbly, cute, carefree, silly, a little mischievous, naive in many ways, vulnerable, affectionate, slow, hyperactive, bouncy, happy, optimistic, free-spirited, energetic, loving, bashful, humble, open-minded, accepting, forgiving, gullible

Bright colours especially white and pink, bright big eyes, smiles, cute soft things, sunlight, flowers, sunny summer days on the beach, Baby Loli-goth dresses, pigtails, rosy cheeks, rainbows, unicorns, happiness

This state of being is very inconsistent.  At times it seems like it’ll never leave, at other times it seems it’ll never come again.  It comes around typically when I’m very pleased and happy with my life; either I’m able to spend time with friends and loved ones or I’ve found a new crush (haha), or things just seem to be going my way.  Everything seems beautiful and perfect when I’m like this.  However, these are the times where I make very foolish decisions and fall for things that if I had been in another state of mind I could have easily seen through. I am too trusting or because I overlook something.

The Emo(tional) One

Dark, depressive, gloomy, pessimistic, unhappy, self-loathing, self-pitying, sad, oversensitive, lonely, withdrawn, isolated, heavy, distrusting, worrier, hopeless, selfish

Monochromatic, darkened eyes, dark clothes, boxed in, fetal-like position, tears, darkness

I’m actually quite prone to this state and slip into it very easily.  It could be caused by a misunderstanding, a bad grade, anything remotely stressful, a broken heart, an argument, displeasure with my own work, my time of month, the reasons for it are countless.  When I’m like this I feel like the entire world is against me and the only way to save myself is to cut myself off from everyone and everything just take care of me because no one else cares.  This state of being is probably the most harmful to myself because of all the crazy hurtful things that run through my head during this time.  In the past it has even hurt my relationships with other people.

The Intellectual One

Smart, witty, sarcastic, sharp-tongued, reserved, proper, judgmental, ambitious, competitive, anal, slightly boring, sometimes dangerous, critical, leader, techie, modest, distrusting/skeptical, overanlytical, slightly sadistic

glasses, stoic and yet fierce expression, conservative dress, books, pens, paper, saturated colour, cold, vintage feel, technology

This is my academic side, though admittably this side has become less and less frequently seen as I have begun to rethink the importance of academic success in the real world.  This side is not only seen in an academic setting however, it also represents one of my two forms of anger.  This type of anger I like to refer to as icy.  In cases such as this I’m not at all concerned with inflicting damage on my opponent physically, but would much rather hurt them in mentally and emotionally.  I find this the more frightening of my two forms of anger personally, because I’m not capable of doing too much physically–but mentally my capabilities are limited only to what I’m willing to do.  Fortunately, I very rarely get mad so very very very few have had the misfortune of coming across this side.  I’d really like to keep it that way.

The Sexy One

flirty, kinky, sexy, playful, naughty, can be submissive/vulnerable, can be aggressive/dominating, longing, affectionate (not necessarily in the same ways as the childish one), loving, lusty, secretive, passionate, fiery, warm, inviting, open-minded, free-spirited, confident, conceited, undisciplined

Red fire colours, sexy lingerie or sexy outfit, plump lips, sultry look, pin-up style, intimate (will try and keep it PG-13, lmao), maybe censored eyes to denote that this is something not easily shared with others

I’m slightly uncomfortable disclosing this side because it is so personal and so very very few have come in counter with this side.  Though hints of it may show itself on a day to day basis, because apparently I can be a bit of a flirt.  Recently, I have become more comfortable with this side, whether this is because I’m getting closer to adulthood or because I’ve just become more comfortable with myself, I’m not really sure.  Could be a mix of the two.  As I grow fonder of this side however I have found it easier to utilize it in my day to day life in the form of loving and feeling confident about myself, my body, being a woman, everything that I am.  This is quite a new sensation and with all new things it’s a little frightening, but so far I like where it’s taken me.  In portraying this image I really don’t want to create another faceless, nameless, pin-up girl–an object of male desire.  I would rather create a strong, capable woman, independent, fierce, capable, and desirable.  I think this one might end up taking the most time.

The Monsterous One

Hateful, angry, wrathful, vengeful, arrogant, violent, aggressive, confident, untouchable, unstoppable, frightening, hurtful, cruel, sadistic, mean, berserk, malicious, conniving, savage, brutal, purely physical, fierce, dangerous, murderous, undisciplined, uncontrollable

blood, red, fire, white eyes (soulless), restraints, fangs, talons, dragonlike, warped gravity, torn clothes/torn skin, hell-like, perhaps image of the monsterous one tearing out of the one’s skin in some fashion

This is probably my most frightening side and the one I try to suppress the most.  As a child I was actually quite prone to violent temper tantrums, or so my mom told me.  My dad’s side is known for their violent tempers…now we can bring up the nature versus nurture argument, but I really don’t feel like getting into it right now.  The fact of the matter is, I have my father’s temper.  Fortunately my mother’s side is known for logic and cool reasoning (I attest my icy anger to her side) so as I grew older I was able to suppress this fiery side more.  I’m so scared of this side because when I get like this it’s as though my brain completely shuts down and I no longer have any control over my actions.  Afterwords, when I realize what I’ve done I feel like such a monster and am filled with so much regret–usually turning into the emotional one.  I am happy to say I have not seen this side in quite a long time and I don’t miss it at all.  I have however, been able to hone some of that energy in more productive and positive ways, which is probably why I haven’t seen this side in so long.

The Real One

United; Funny, playful, a little mischievous, lazy, humble, helpful, self-sacrificing, independent, sensitive, slightly withdrawn, open-minded/tolerant, smart, sarcastic, ambitious, flirty, loving, affectionate, warm, free-spirited, slightly conceited, sometimes resentful, more often forgiving, fierce, calm, content, shy

Punk, hanging out, normal colours, slightly touched up, nothing altered too drastically, smiling, curly hair, headphones, jeans, tee, sweater, something strange (stuffed animal, scribble, etc), friends.

More often now, than ever, will my persons come together into one distinct personality.  This I feel must be the true me because it takes from each one of my other persons and when I reach this stage I feel at peace, calm, together.  I try to stay in this state of harmony because these are the moments where I am the most focused and make the wisest decisions.  This used to be very hard to achieve, but lately I’ve realized that as I become more comfortable and accepting of my body this state has become easier to achieve.

Possible pairings

Monsterous vs. Intellectual (Fire vs. Ice)

Child vs. Emo (Rainbow vs. Monochrome)

Real vs. Sexy (public vs. private or irl vs. digital)

a. description of the project – attempt to bring this into a liberal arts concept

- line of toys
- apparel and accessory line
- potential fashion show and marketing plan

Issues I would like to address:
- urban youth and the desire to be “grown” paired with childish/cartoon merchandise
* personal line will address this contradiction through its merchandise
- culture of cute and it’s growing influence on the global community
* theorize on why this may be and how it is affecting my generation

b. theoretical statement about the meaning/value of the project

I would not like to not only address the interest in the culture of cute but shine light on an issue that hits more at home to me and that’s the problem I’ve seen recently of children wanting to grow up too fast.
I have noticed that these same kid-adults will done attire featuring childish/cute themes.
My theory is that these kid-adults do this because as much as they would like to grow up there’s a part of them that is desperately trying to hold on to the childhood they’re casting aside.
By focusing on this specific group I think I can shine some light on the general reason why the culture of cute has started to boom globally.

c. what specifically you will do – but note that it can change and why??

- 25 character plushie prototypes
- digital/traditionally printed posters/prints
- logos and packaging
- apparel; jeans, canvas shoes, tee-shirts, hoodies
- jewelry, hats, bags, and other accessories
- costume
- website feat. flash cartoon
- fashion show or catalog showing off work

I would like to start out with a very ambitious goal so that if I fall a little short I will still have a lot to show for it.
I would really like to create a variety of products because all of the companies I’m looking at create products for all different purposes and I think this really plays into why they are so appealing and popular. To understand the culture of cute phenomenon I need to recreate what these companies do as much as possible.

d. precedents, or other people who have done similar things.

Purely Cute/Cult Cute
- Sanrio
- Tokidoki
- Mother Garden
- Pharrell (Ice Cream)
- Gwen Stefani (Harajuku Lovers) (Not enough info available)
- Kid Robot
- Friendswithyou
- Domo-kun
- Ugly Dolls
- Eyesores

Twisted Cute
- Tokidoki
- Kid Robot
- Super Milk Chan
- Gloomy Bear
- Eyesores
- Jhonen Vasquez
- Lenore
- Ugly Dolls
- Happy Tree Friends

Entrepreneurial roots
- Tokidoki
- Sanrio (originally)
- Pharrell (Ice Cream)
- Gaiaonline
- Genki Gang
- Eyesores
- Queen of Dorks
- Miss Kika

There’s countless sources I can use for this, but I don’t think I should make the list much longer than this…

e. something like a personal statement about this work.

Growing I was very attracted to cute merchandise and I don’t think this was coincidental. While everyone else was trying to grow up I just want to keep my childhood, stay a kid and avoid the responsibilities I had been forced to take on, in my opinion, way too soon. I think my feelings mirror my peers. With the world economy the way it is right now I think it’s understandable that people would want to just be kids again and think of happier times before they had to deal with bills, debt, bankruptcy, and so on. It only seems natural that the culture of cute would catch on with the world the way it is now. People are depressed and they need to find some bit of happiness–but even within these cute themes there is something dark and adult being addressed here. Something cynical and in some cases lurking about.
I’m interested in doing this project because I want to understand myself why these creations are just so appealing and why they affect people so immensely.

I know I do a lot of work with Photoshop and I did really want to use a different program for my final project but while I was working on the photomanipulation video and even after I was done I really wanted to do more work on altering bodies. While I was working on the photomanips I actually started to get a little frustrated with it because my initial goal was to alter the bodies while making them look as realistic as possible. However, while I was doing this I kept wondering “what if I exaggerated this part so much so it was no longer realistic”"what if I made her eyes ridiculously huge”"what if I made her waist pinkie thin.” The prospect of creating an image that appeared to be real representing a fantastical image that could not naturally exist in real life sort of appealed to me (I’m a little twisted that way I guess). Although I’ve worked with photoshop for many years, altering bodies and faces is something I’ve never attempted to do until the photomanip video. Now that I know how it’s done I’d really like to experiment more with it.

So I have two separate ideas that will involve body alterations and the like.

The first idea I had was to take pictures of willing friends and turn them into mythical creatures such as mermaids, aliens, harpies, and any other anthropomorphic creatures I could think of.

The second idea would be more like a self portrait inspired by something a friend of mine said. It was something along the lines of “Sam, I feel like you’re 6 different people sometimes.” In this case I would make a list of these different people, take pictures of myself and alter them to represent the different personalities. (I may just make it 7 to elude to the 7 sins, haha). This project appeals to me more because this way I can actively think about what physical characteristics we typically think of when we believe a person is one way or another.
Also, I feel more comfortable altering my own images then any one else’s. I was extremely uncomfortable altering the images for the photomanip video because I have a strong belief that all people are beautiful (which is why I never really considered altering images before) and I really disliked changing things we have been taught to believe are imperfections or ugly.
However, since the mythical creature project is supposed to be exaggerated I may not be as uncomfortable doing the images.

If you’re sick of seeing me work with photoshop though, I’ll understand and come up with something else.

PS -
Here are some examples of the type of photoshop work I’d be going for:
http://chococat101.deviantart.com/favourites/#photomanip-ref

And stuff like that creepy “This Too Shall Pass” image I did
http://chococat101.deviantart.com/art/The-Angst-Shall-Pass-113927368
(You might not want to click Amy, based on your first reaction to the picture, lol)

As I expected would happen my indecisiveness is getting in the way of me choosing a brand name that I like.

Right now I’m thinking about going with “Stray” but I may change my mind again…I’m going to let it sit with me for awhile and see if I get sick of it as I did the last.

I thought it would help me if I brainstorm a list of words and ideas that will be incorporated in my work.

This is literally whatever words pop into my mind when I think about what I will be doing:
- graffiti
- urban art
- hard edge/edgy
- cute/cuddly
- solid primary colors
- dark
- grins
- blacked out/whited out eyes
- fuzzy/furry/fluffy
- candy
- spray paint
- the streets/the hood
- New York City
- Tokyo/Haraguku
- void
- bubbles
- creepy
- round/rotund
- big bellies
- pointed ears
- long ears
- long bodies
- pale skin
- blank stares
- dark hair
- piercing eyes
- strawberries
- paint
- splatter
- sneakers/converses
- skulls/bones
- pink/orange/purple
- worn
- hip hop meets rock meets jpop
- Gorillaz
- Miss Kika
- baggy jeans
- fitted tops
- bangles
- oversized beads
- calamity
- wings/flight
- colour
- confusion
- oxymorons
- reverse stereotypes
- danger/trouble
- sarcasm
- wit
- fun
- childhood
- playgrounds
- teddy bear
- eggs

that’s all I’ve got right now…words in bold can be name ideas.

Submission for Be(com)ing Art Show