In a crowd of people
She felt alone
Her only solace was that
She was not alone
in how she felt

Samu, obviously, is based of me…but more specifically…how I feel about a lot of things. First I’ll explain the basic character and back story then break the character down into the specific details.

*****

Samu grew up in Downtown Tha. Home life was rough, though details remain obscure. Visions of poverty, violence, and hardships clouded Samu’s everyday life. However, she remained strong and optimistic throughout it all. To her friends and family she was the hard rock they could rely on to get them through anything and everything. She was the shoulder to cry on and the one you could depend on to rescue you. To those that didn’t know her she was either adoringly admired or hatefully resented.
Eventually Samu couldn’t deal with the pressure any longer. In her mind was a whole spiraling universe that haunted her every thought. Voices screamed, images flashed, unwanted memories lurked. It would’ve been alright had she had someone she could rely on, that she could speak freely to, that she could count on to rescue her, but there was no one. The harder she tried to voice her fears the more others pushed her away. She suddenly realized, that while many were open to having others deal with their problems few were willing to even listen to the dilemmas of others. She felt terribly alone–and as the loneliness manifested itself within her, it got harder and harder to speak. In the end she felt as though she had become two; one a mask of perfection–a hero, a lover, the ideal, the other the opposite, unloved, unwanted, perpetually alone and misunderstood.
Then, one hot summer night, as Samu wrestled with sleep, the mischievous Devil sat upon her window ledge. The Devil watched as Samu tossed restlessly and listened as Samu prayed that her mind be quiet and give her at least a moment’s peace–if only for a night. With a dubious grin, the Devil interfered, stating that he did not think that God was listening, but he could perhaps help. Without a soul, the Devil explained, the mind goes blank. All that remains is a fully functional body that would act routinely day-to-day, animated and yet lifeless. Samu, at first, was quick at first to banish the Devil–but faltered. An animated body, free of thought, free of emotion, free of feeling. Samu bit her lip as a stinging realization washed over her. This is what all had wanted from her, wasn’t it? No one cared about her pain, they only seemed interested in what she could do for them. If she were to become nothing more than an animated body, would anyone even notice? She was certain they would not. In fact, she thought with hot tears, she was sure that they would think it an improvement. The more Samu thought about the arrangement, the more she felt it would be best. Everyone would win would they not? She would have her much desired peace and quiet and the rest could continue to rely on their little doll.
So Samu agreed to give her soul to the Devil. The Devil took it hungrily and held it in his hand. Samu gazed at it with blank white eyes and thought…nothing. Though the sight of the soul was spectacular, a red hot vaporlike orb, glowing a vibrant fire orange, pulsing like a heartbeat in the Devil’s hand, Samu felt…nothing. Had she her soul she would have thought the sight beautiful, dreamlike, glorious. She may have even wept from the beauty of it, but without her soul it did not matter any longer. Nothing mattered any longer. The Devil left with soul in hand never thinking he would return again.
He was wrong about one thing though. Samu’s mind did not go blank. Though she had been completely disconnected from the world around her she could still think. Her days passed by routinely as she carried out her ritualistic duties to friends and family. She did not realize she could think until much time had passed. She noticed it one day as she walked past a flower shop on her way home. There were roses outside and she happened to think to herself, when I had my soul I loved roses. This thought she noted, was merely a listed fact with no hint of emotion attached to it. The thoughts that followed however, were not. Samu was surprised. How was it possible that she could think when the Devil promised her…? After surprise came overwhelming regret. She realized, that though her life had been hard and often times painful, it had been beautiful too. She missed laughter, she missed passion, she missed ambition and competitiveness, she missed love, she missed happiness–she even missed the hurt. Not feeling, she realized, defeated the purpose of living. What was the point in an animated body with a dead mind? Samu started to cry.
Pariah, a fallen angel, heard Samu’s cries and came to her side. Why was Samu so upset, Pariah wondered out loud. Without hesitation Samu confessed the entire story to Pariah in full. In the end, with heavy sobs, she admitted that she missed her soul, she wished she had never agreed to give it away. Pariah couldn’t help but laugh. Samu, devastated, demanded to know what Pariah found so funny. Pariah explained that, though the Devil was known to make some dirty deals, but the Heaven’s greatest power against him was will power. The Devil could do no harm to anyone unless they openly allowed him too. Samu may have made a deal with the Devil, but her soul was uncorrupted and in fact quite strong–not what the Devil was typically used to. He was able to take a great portion, but a fraction of it remained, the portion of which contained Samu’s will power. Though it was dwindling, day by day it had gotten stronger. The fact that Samu was able to think and feel alone was proof of its presence. Samu felt relief, but upon seeing her reflection in the shop window noticed that her eyes were still blank and soulless. Pariah sadly stated that though Samu’s soul was still present it would take 2 whole lifetimes for it to be the size and strength of a whole soul. Samu’s soulless eyes would be a permanent scar, a reminder of her poor decision to run away from her misery–rather than face it head on. Samu was disappointed, but accepted it as her fate–until the Devil appeared to her once more.
The Devil was impressed with Samu’s vigor and found her quite interesting, to say the least. Considering himself a reasonable fellow he proposed that he and Samu (with the help of Pariah, if she so insisted) play a game. He would provide Samu with the list of beings whose souls he intended to take and offer her strength so that she and he would be equals. If Samu was able to thwart the Devil’s plans to take a soul he would give her a piece of hers back. However, if she failed, he would reclaim 2 pieces of her soul. He justified this by stating that he was already being very generous by providing her both the list and powers to match his. Samu could not argue. With Pariah’s approval, Samu agreed.
With that the Devil bestowed upon Samu great power. Her hair turned into a mane of fire, wild and free glowing as–Samu remembered–her soul had when the Devil had taken it from her. She dawned a pair of wings with rich red, royal blue, and gleaming gold feathers. Her smoothed skin glowed with a golden aura. Pariah, Samu, and even the Devil himself, all observed with awe. Samu questioned why the Devil had chosen such a form for her. To this the Devil replied that he had nothing to do with the change, the form she had taken on was the result of the power he gave her reacting with her remaining soul. With a laugh the Devil reckoned that this was in fact the personification of her soul.
Like a phoenix, Samu mused, how appropriate.
Clearing his throat, the Devil stated however that Samu would only be allowed to take on this form in his presence; so as not to challenge the heavens and since it was only necessary for them to be equals. Samu nodded in understanding.
Perplexed, Pariah demanded to know why the Devil was doing this? From what she could tell, he really couldn’t stand to gain anything he didn’t already have in his current possession and if Samu succeeded he could end up losing more.
With a–rather condescending–laugh the Devil stated simply three reasons; he was bored, he found humans interesting, and he thought it would be “fun.”
The Devil’s notorious sly and dubious grin grew upon his face as Samu and Pariah still stood confused and mystified. He sighed and snapped his fingers. In a flash of fiery light a dark scroll appeared before Samu, hovering. This, the Devil explained, was a copy of his list of expected souls. Samu grabbed it as the Devil warned that she would only be provided with one. If it were ever lost she had lost. As Samu looked the scroll over the Devil began to retreat. Pariah stopped him before he had completely gone away, demanding that he tell them anything else they needed to know.
With a sinister chuckle the Devil said that there was one, very important, thing that Samu must always keep in mind, “I don’t play fair.”

And thus started Samu’s adventure, to reclaim her soul.

****

That story ended up being quite longer than the others. Haha…who knows…maybe this story could be my way of tying all the characters together in some sort of tangled web. That will be for another time though….

Now I’m going to get into the details.

* Obscure details in Samu’s ordinary life

Though Samu is based off of me I want her character to be an Everyman. I want anyone to be able to relate to her in one way or another. Honestly, considering the times, I can’t think of anyone who can’t. Times are hard and everyone is feeling the pressure to do their best to fulfill their duties as parent, child, sibling, student, teacher, and so on. A lot is expected from every one of us. I feel that if I detail Samu’s life too much it would create a disconnect between the audience and her and I don’t want that. I want people to be able to say, “I know exactly what she’s going through!” I feel the story will have more of an impact if the audience can see themselves AS Samu.

* Loneliness

My weakness. My manifest enemy. There are times, like now, where I feel I have defeated my foe and feel as though it will not return again–but more often than not this is not the case. Loneliness is like a dark evil entity that resides in my chest, weighing me down with its relentless negativity, sending wicked messages to my mind that crash angrily against the inside of my skull. During these times peace and quiet seem like impossible dreams. I find myself begging for at least a moment of rest, if only to preserve my own sanity. I abhor loneliness.
And yes, I really have even considered selling my soul if only to get one good night’s rest. Ha.

* The Devil

It was my time in Italy that made me start to think about the Devil. After seeing so many churches and being surrounded by so much religious art it’s heart not to take interest in the subject matter. On top of that I took (and dropped out of…but we won’t get into that…) a class on witchcraft. The course, by and large, ended up being more than a little disappointing (although I do regret dropping it in the end…oh well…still have the books ). However, there were a few lectures that really interested and stuck with me; those about Benedanti (good witches), those about werewolves, and…those about the Devil. I learned through this course that the Devil was developed fairly late in Christianity. He started out as somewhat of an advisor to God…meant to point out the weak points in God’s creation, humans. That is why he tested humans. Then there are several versions of how he became evil. One is that he fell from heaven, the other that he was always there and always evil, and blahblahblah…lots of different stories and beliefs. One story that stuck out to me though was about the Devil’s weakness. The Devil could not FORCE anyone to do anything. They had to AGREE to do it. I believe this was because free will is God’s will and the Devil is, in fact, not as strong as God (according to some beliefs). This prospect stunned me; the King of Evil unable to impose himself? Even humans were able to overpower another’s free will. Take for example rape, robbery, murder, blackmailing, extortion, abuse. Does that then mean…humans are more evil and less honorable than the Devil himself?! (Da da duuun)
I decided to take this even further…perhaps the Devil didn’t consider this as a weakness but as an amusing game. What if, in an attempt to spite God, the Devil constantly challenged humans to test the how strong their will truly was. What did he have to offer or promise in order for the human will to be broken? Was it the same for every human? Were all humans fundamentally the same or were some more easily corrupted than others?
What better way to exact revenge than to destroy your enemy’s most prized possession with a smile on your face?
That’s the kind of personality I see the Devil have. Sly, clever, dubious, mischievous, morbidly playful, unpredictable, free spirited, unperturbed, and oddly honorable. Not necessarily a man of his word, but not a complete crook either–depending on his mood.
I have to admit that I’ve grown a fondness for this sort of Devil…not that I’m going to start Satan worshipping or anything. I just like the strange dynamic of it. I hate when things are all black and white. A likable Devil makes things complicated–and more interesting.
He’s sort of like a sneaky fox…and I really like foxes.

* The Soul

“The eyes are the windows to the soul.”
I’m sure that quote has appeared elsewhere throughout literature and history, but my introduction to it came through the lyrics of a NERD song. It’s really stuck with me. I may have mentioned this all before, but I’ll state it again. If the eyes are the windows to the soul, than that should mean if one were to lose their soul they would also lost their eyes. In my particular interpretation that means the eyes completely whiting out. A blank white stare, emptiness.
What I believe the soul is exactly varies from day to day. My most basic beliefs are that our souls are what define our personalities–who we are as people. As illustrated in the story, people without souls are no more than animated bodies–robots, puppets, dolls. I also believe that there is something Earthly about souls, they connect us to the Earth, to the stars, to the plants and animals, and to each other. They allow us to feel and successful communicate/interactive with everyone and everything on this planet.
Sometimes I believe that our souls are a piece of God’s self that resides within each and every one of that so that God can be with us at all times. But this belief gets altered, changed, and rejected quite a bit in my mind.

* Animated bodies without souls

This sort of reminds me of the philosopher (whose name I can’t think of because it’s been two years since I learned about him and I haven’t slept all night hahaha) who questioned whether all humans were in fact animatrons…but I digress.
Aside from being a sci-fi/fantasy plot twist this also serves as a metaphor for our now everyday lives. I don’t think it’s so abstract that it’s too difficult to understand if one were to just spend a little time thinking about it. So….I’m not going to spell it out. Plus it could mean many different things and I’m too tired to list them all.

* Roses

Roses have a strange presence in my life. The happen to be my birth flower for one…so…them in my life seems sort of fated. My earliest memories of roses are the rose bushes in my grandmother’s garden that bloomed with flowers the size of fists. They were hybrid bushes so there were several different colours; pale peachy orange and pastel pink are the ones I remember. Another memory of roses were the bouquet of dried roses my mother kept from my sister’s birth (they have since been lost I believe) that got me started on drying out roses I received at special events in my life. And yet another memory is the rose in Beauty and the Beast which has its own symbolism I won’t bother explaining.
Aside from showing up in odd ways throughout my life, roses have a symbolic meaning to me. It is not the flower itself that interests me, but its thorns. Call it cliche, but I feel I can relate to a rose. I have often been called beautiful, more often now in college than ever before in my life. So, as corny as this sounds, my exterior is like that of a rose’s flower. However, I feel a biting darkness resides within me and powerful strength that can be quite dangerous to those that cross me. That would be the thorns. For awhile I tried to…scrape off the thorns, so to speak…make myself tame and presentable…nonthreatening…but this only lead to me wilting vulnerable and lonely in a vase, rather than living out my glory days amongst my brethren. Those thorns are there for a reason! To protect and preserve the beauty, to let predators know better than to tamper with this flower. Cross me and you will regret it. I admire that strength in roses. The truly are a proud and classy flower, aren’t they? I strive to be more like a rose. Beautiful, elegant, put together on the exterior, but also a strong, defiant, independent, fighter.
Red roses are my favorite. I suppose this is because out of all the roses they are, red seem to be the most classic as well as the strongest.

* Pariah the fallen angel

Ever since I heard the term “pariah” used in a movie I have been obsessed with the term. Possibly because there were periods in which I felt like one. The name “Pariah” for a fallen angel seems most appropriate. I won’t get too much into Pariah though, since she’s going to have her own little story post.

* the Phoenix

This is another very important symbol in my life since I feel much like a Phoenix myself. Every time something bad has happened to me or a great change occurred in my life I die…in a way…and am reborn again as someone new, someone stronger and better than before. I’m not sure how many cycles I’ve gone through in this one lifetime. Already there have been a few…at the very least, 7.
I am the Phoenix. When I’m going through rough times this becomes my mantra. The symbol gives me strength to endure. Keeping it in mind I feel that no matter how bad things get, something even better than anything I have yet to experience is just around the corner. I am destined to be reborn again with new vigor! I can and will make it through! I don’t know what else I could say except for that. I feel this is pretty straightforward.

Now that I’ve gotten this all down I think I can finally sleep!
Oh yeah, and no additional research is necessary for this character D: