I think with these questions in mind I can start to tackle the issue of my identity…

So…now I’m going to try and brainstorm ways I can answer these questions…

In order to do this I find that it is inevitable that I still ask the broader questions of who I am…however, since that is more personal and less relevant to my work I’m going to keep that in my seperate/personal blog outside of this one: http://foxunbound.blogspot.com/

I made 3 sets of these in 2 days (ugggggh).

They were a bit of a rush job so obviously they don’t have the same detail as my larger phoenix wings, but I was going for a more casual, cute, and cartoony look for them anyway. Despite being a rush job I am happy with how they turned out.

My sister is such a great model for them

I think it was Italy that showed me what a headache technology was. Up until then I couldn’t imagine life without a computer or a cell phone with text messaging or e-mail or facebook. When I was there I would literally go on the computer maybe once a day for no more than a half an hour to quickly check my e-mail unless I had a paper to write. Cell phones were used for the soul purpose of meeting up if a place hadn’t already been established. I didn’t really go on facebook much at all unless I wanted to try and upload pictures, which was a pain since the computers were slow and didn’t have flash which meant uploading photos 5 at a time a half an hour a piece.

Life was good.

I got out more. I spent more time with my friends and host family. I worked with more traditional forms of art and found that I enjoyed them as well. I’d have to say I was 90% less stressed than I am now.

When I came back it took awhile for the reverse culture shock to set in. The (gross) American food didn’t make me to happy, the cold weather and stark buildings didn’t help either–but for the most part I was fine. After awhile though I started to feel like something was not right, I got really depressed, there’s no other word for it.

Now I’m not blaming all of this on technology, but really it hasn’t helped much. I used to love spending hours at a time on the computer doing nothing but play online games and play with photoshop. Now I can’t help but feel like I’m wasting part of my life away. At first I thought my sadness was from not being able to go out and see interesting places like the Duomo or the Uffizi, but I think it’s more basic than that. I’m sad because I feel stuck in one place. Trapped in a computer lab for most of my time here at SLU. It’s the worst when it’s in the library or some other “quiet” place and I’m not allowed to speak, or socialize, or even laugh without someone giving me the stinkeye–like they don’t have a desire to be a part of THIS world anymore.

I’m so torn up about this. On the one hand I love digital media. It’s lots of fun and really useful to me especially since once I get a program I don’t need to constantly spend money on materials unless it’s a new tablet pen or an upgrade. The internet provides so many opportunities and resources that we can easily take advantage of just by going to google—not to mention all the online communities. I even love how courses now are utilizing blog technology–I love blogs!–and on top of that I do have a bit of an anxiety of speaking in class (for fear of looking like a smart ass or something) so I don’t always say what I want to in class. There are so many amazing things you can do on a computer.
But does that really justify spending the majority of your day sitting in front of a computer screen? Do online relationships excuse the neglect of real life relationships? Does the practice and creation of digital media render traditional forms of media obsolete? Blogs are great, amazing, powerful tools, but can they really take the place of a meaningful class discussion in which both the students and professors are involved?

These are some things I ask myself as I struggle to both reclaim my love of technology, yet keep it at a distance.

I think the answer is balance. We need some sort of equilibrium. But in a society such as ours it seems near impossible to get “just enough” of anything.

I’m not a mean person. I swear I’m not. I feel like it at times because people tend to annoy me so much. I just want to be left alone once and awhile.

There was a time, not too long ago yet before my time, when you could just do your own thing and only let those you really cared about know where you were and how to contact you. Everyone else…well that was too bad for them. There was a time when avoiding someone was as easy as staying out of their direction.

I don’t want to be mean, but this is getting ridiculous. From now on any texts, IMs, phone calls, emails, blah blah blah, I get that I don’t want to bother with I won’t and I’m not wasting time explaining why either.

Pft. Technology. In making our lives “easier” it has in so many ways made it a million times more difficult.

It did bring up the question however of this kind of artwork.  While I feel strongly about this particular piece being mine the mork piece I’m not so sure.  Essentially what I did with that image was make a photo look more painterly and added a few touches of my own.  My cousin said it was still mine because the strokes were mine, but I don’t know if I’m satisified with that.

I don’t know if I could remake the mork piece from scratch if I had to. Not that I’m not capable,  I just feel I lack the skill at this moment in time.  So, I sort of feel like a fraud.  But at the same time I do believe it’s mine because there’s a movement and feeling in the piece that is not there in the photo.  I believe that’s what makes it mine.

Still, the question remains, is this mine?  Can something digital ever belong to anyone?  Could I print this out and sign my name on the back without looking like a phony?

These are questions I think as digital artists we should ask ourselves.

Digital Culture then is the ability to look up anything you can imagine by typing up a word and searching through results instead of spending hours in a library looking for materials.  It is being able to call anyone and everyone whenever you want or need to and having anyone and everyone contact you at any time.  It is not having to leave your home to find cute clothes to wear or even food to eat.  It’s not having to sit through commercials to watch your favourite shows.  It’s disconnecting yourself from the world and creating one of your own.  It’s being able to listen to whatever song you want or what genre you want whenever you want.  It’s being able to see other parts of the world, talk to people from all over, without having to leave your chair.  It’s all of that and it’s more.

Class is starting so maybe I’ll go in depth later.